September 21, 2002

Loud Noises

Arafat's compound buildings were dropping around him all night. I'm not sure how many are still standing. I'm glad it wasn't me inside that place. His building took a couple of tank shells, but Arafat was not hurt. The Israelis said they were just trying to scare some militants out of hiding. No harm intended. It wouldn't take many tank shells on my house to get me to come out. Last night some locals set off some sort of explosion near my apartment. It spooked me. At first I thought the Israeli soldiers were back. I almost came out with my hands up. I tried to ignore it, but it put me on edge for a while. I poked my head through my curtains, but no one seemed alarmed outside. And there were a lot of people outside. Kids playing in the street. Young men sitting along the storefronts.

Loud noises, planes, helicopters, and such all still bother me. If I hear some loud movement outside my place, my first reaction is always that the tanks are back. I've thought that I've heard tanks making their way to my room several times. I race to the window to watch some oversized old cement mixer truck struggle up the hill instead. A couple of days ago I heard some shooting. Actually, the only shooting I have heard since I've been back. Instantly I think of a gun battle going on, instead of some sort of celebration, which is what it probably was.

When these explosions, fighter planes screaming, helicopters flying over, or just loud sounds happen, my body goes tense immediately. I've been conditioned to expect something bad soon thereafter. It hasn't happened since I've been back, but my mind is still trained to expect it. I wonder if everyone here is the same. I wonder if President Arafat cringes when a tank shell explodes against his building. Does it shake him up, or does he enjoy the thrill of the battle? Maybe Sharon and Arafat get a real adrenaline rush when they're in the middle of it. Maybe they love the exchange. Maybe they don't know that it irritates some people. Maybe these two leaders do not know that this aggression is a real aggravation to the residents here. "Oh, you don't like being shot at? Why didn't you say something? So sorry."

Maybe they'll cut out some of this ridiculous nonsense.